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Your precious time
It can seem hard to make something new, get a project underway, begin when you don’t really know where to start. One of the greatest reasons we use to hold back or never even take a step forward in the direction we say we want to, is lack of time. I know I’ve told myself that over the years and in doing so have deprived myself of things I would definitely have enjoyed. Learning Greek, playing the piano, singing in a big choir. Of course I’ve been busy enough. Working and doing what I love with hundreds of clients, keeping precious relationships and family going, building homes, making gardens in…
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One magic word
Dani had been through a tough time. Her previous employer had really undermined her confidence until Dani began to feel sick when she went to work, and eventually fell ill. She had to take a long period off without pay and then lost her job. When I first met her, Dani told me that she knew she had been going in the wrong direction for quite a while. ‘I took my first job after college because it was offered to me, without thinking too much about it. And my mother thought it was perfect for me. So then I just carried on from there’ Dani admitted. ‘Now I don’t know…
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So many excuses
I was listening to a recording of Dr Wayne Dyer, who inspired a lot of people in his lifetime and continues to do so after his death. He was talking about all the reasons we use for not doing what we really want – how we persuade ourselves not to be who we really want to be. I recognise most of them, from my own repertoire and from the chorus I’ve heard from clients down the years. Here are a few of those. I’m too old I’m too young I’m not clever enough I don’t have the money It will take too long I don’t have the energy I don’t…
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Patsy’s great idea
In our Wonderful Work Book group down here in Devon, we were chatting about social media. Good sides and not so good. We all recognise how incredibly useful online networking can be, but there are the downsides – especially the effects of spending too much time comparing ourselves with other people and their apparently perfect lives. How thin or beautiful do we have to be to measure up? Are we really as happy as everyone else is, out with our friends, having fun, going places? Or in a lovely home, eating wonderful food we’ve just made? It can be so easy to slip into an unhappy sense of comparison, feeling…
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The greatest gift
Lisa is a long time client who I admire very much. She’s always professional, always gives 120% to what she does and tries so hard to fulfil the expectations of others. When I first met her she was working very long hours in an organisation that didn’t really appreciate her efforts. It took a while to help her see that she was nearly burnt out with so much giving, but eventually she took the plunge and left to become a consultant – a great change for her. She decided, a little reluctantly, to allow herself some time out during that period, to review her values and give herself a little…
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Listen to yourself
When I’m with a client, I’m listening very carefully to what they say, of course. And I’m listening to what they’re not saying. It’s a feeling sometimes that there may be something else they want to say but haven’t yet. Or something they don’t think is important enough to mention. Like the time Anna told me about her previous work in marketing for a charity and how she felt about going back to it after her second child. It all seemed very sensible. But I sensed that there was something else, something that wasn’t being said, or that was holding her back. We spoke about the new management and how…
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Work and fun
What’s the most fun you ever had in any kind of ‘work’ setting? I can think of a few. One was getting about 80 water engineers to dress up outrageously and act out scenarios sending up themselves and their managers. That was hilarious. Another was doing up a tiny flat for rental on a small budget to make it look gorgeous and twice as big. And there have been many moments with many clients, laughing out loud together at the amazing and strange things that have happened for them ‘out of the blue’. That’s been fun. I remember reading in career text books in the 1990s that real success depended…
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Not knowing how
Every dream we have, every plan we make, starts with an idea. Or a thought, or a picture that comes to us from somewhere. And we connect with that thought or picture or dream somewhere inside of ourselves. Some of us are able to keep that connection, take that idea and run with it. Sometimes the vision just comes about like magic and we don’t know how it happened. Most of the time though, we put the idea aside. Too risky. Too unlikely. Too costly. Out of our reach, our abilities, beyond what is possible. Or even, beyond what we deserve. But in fact, if we hold onto that idea…
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As if
My client is sitting on the sofa looking uncomfortable. He shuffles about a bit, then says, “The thing is, most of the time I feel as if I’m making it up as I go along. You know… as if I’m pretending I know more than I do. That I know what I’m doing – or how to do it.” I listen, very interested. “It’s not that I can’t do it, what I do. People seem to think I’m doing okay. That’s why I’ve been asked to go for this next position.” “So what’s the problem?” I ask, still very interested. “I want to know how to get rid of this…
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What I’ve learned from my clients (part 2)
So, after that initial phone call, I started helping other people who came to me –all through word of mouth. It seemed that the resources I’d collected from the US and the books I’d read really did help. But most of all my willingness to offer a space for them to talk through their situation was what helped clients most. I didn’t charge anything for some while, then just a little towards more books and resources. The more I listened, the more I learned from every person I met. Lesson 3: listening is key I listened to what these people were saying: they felt unskilled, out of date, too old,…