As if

My client is sitting on the sofa looking uncomfortable. He shuffles about a bit, then says,

“The thing is, most of the time I feel as if I’m making it up as I go along. You know… as if I’m pretending I know more than I do. That I know what I’m doing – or how to do it.”

I listen, very interested.

“It’s not that I can’t do it, what I do. People seem to think I’m doing okay. That’s why I’ve been asked to go for this next position.”

“So what’s the problem?” I ask, still very interested.

“I want to know how to get rid of this fear that I’m going to be found out. That one day they’ll turn round and say, ‘You really don’t know, do you? You’re just acting as if you’re in control of things. You’re a fraud.'”

“You feel like a fraud?”

He nods firmly.

“You think that everyone else around you knows more than you do or at least they could do as well as you, or better, if they had the chance?”

He looks less sure. “Not really that… but it’s just that I should feel differently. More sure of myself. Not a fraud.”

“And what if most people are feeling that way?” I suggest. “What if an awful lot of people out there are acting as if they are more sure of themselves than they really are? What then?”

“I guess I’d feel a bit better,” he smiles.

He went for the job, as CEO of a large company. He got it and did just fine. But I don’t know if he ever stopped feeling ‘as if’.

I wish I had a fiver for every client who ever confided the same thing to me. I’d be rich.